If I really am as old as I feel...

This week I visited a senior living facility. $2k a month includes three meals a day, housekeeping, laundry, a studio apartment, free WIFI...It sounds wonderful. Really. I'm tired. Not so tired that I want to die (let's pull back on that throttle, shall we?) I'm tired of all my responsibilities with the library book sales. In process of training the last of five new volunteers, I know when that's done that I will rest easier knowing the shop will be fine. I asked Kara if she would manage it, and she said she would, in another year, which leaves me having to carry the responsibility for another 12 months.

That in itself may be pushing me so much that now I'm desperate for respite. If the adage is true that your as old as you think you are, then I'd say I was in my 80s, another 20 years away.. After my fall on Monday I think I've aged at least 6 months. My right knee hurts so much I can't stand up using that leg for support. When I fell on the floor of the shop on Wednesday afternoon, it was very difficult to stand up, but I was determined to do it no matter what it took. But I just don't have the strength in my legs to get myself off the floor.

A trainer at the gym showed me how to roll on my side and then use my arms to get up, but my arms aren't very strong, either. I just hope I don't fall again.  Meanwhile. the simpler life is so appealing.

Dragging myself to freedom

A neighbor's house is targetted for a major remodel. I'd never been in the backyard or in the house. The gate was unlocked, so I thought I'd take a peak. I found the entire house unlocked: back patio glass doors, front doors, which pleasantly surprised me. What an adventure! It was a house from the
Sixties with three bedrooms, one bath, a kitchen, garage. I checked a few drawers to test if the house
was truly empty. I discovered it was.

My mind started racing, thinking of all the ways a house like this could be used. But no electricity or running water was a setback. And the stink of cats permeated every room.

So I took a closer look outside. I walked across the patio, down some cement and rock steps, to the bottom of the property.

And immediately lost my balance, falling on top of a broken fence. The wood fence had been knocked down and a new fence built in its place. I  missed the rusty nails (which would have added to my experience) thank God.

But I was on the ground and there was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up. The new fence posts weren't thick enough to provide a handhold. My legs are too week to stand up easily.

So I started dragging myself to bushes, which were useless. I fell back again, just inches from an 8 - inch metal bolt sticking out of the ground. I imagined someone finding me, trying to figure out how someone could fall down on a spike. He had to have been pushed, say my defenders. No, he was exploring and fell back, landing on the spike, say those who found me.  I imagined Moreen finding me, which gave me a reason to continue sitting down, with my legs in front of me, dragging myself up the hill.

I couldn't get purchase on a rock, a rock border, bushes. Hello? I began saying. Then louder and throwing in Help for the hell of it. All I needed was someone to give me a hand and pull me up. All I needed! But no answer. The house on one side was bring renovated, so no one there.  And I saw that the backyard on the other side looked like no one had been back there since they bought the house 50 years ago.

Hello? Help! Hello? Help! No one arrived. So I kept dragging myself up to the rock steps. Finally, a step had enough room on one side to get me on my knees, off the ground, to the unlocked garden gate, and home.

I arrived 45 minutes after I had told Moreen I was going to take a quick walk around the block.